


No Ugly Babies

by patchfire, raving_liberal



Series: AKA Jonah [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Babies, Baby Showers, Canon Jewish Character, Families of Choice, Friendship, Gen, Kosher Food, Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:09:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8151781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal
Summary: A non-bris Jewish baby party, bagels included.





	

The day starts with bagels. 

Technically, the days starts with a light, but insistent tapping on Finn’s bedroom door, followed by Finn starting awake with a “What?” and almost falling out of his bed. That’s immediately followed by Rachel opening the door with a bag of bagels in her hand, so the day at least _functionally_ starts with bagels.

“It’s so early,” Finn says. 

“I’ve been up for nearly two hours!” Rachel says. “And there are three blueberry bagels in here, just for you.” 

“Cream cheese?” Finn asks, stretching a little before sitting up. 

“One of the to-go containers for you, one for me,” Rachel says, setting the bag on the edge of Finn’s desk. She doesn’t have to duck for the ceiling. “I insisted my dads accompany me over early, in case your mother needed any assistance.” 

“D’you get the pink kind?” 

“The pink kind of what? It’s a party for a _boy_ , remember?” Rachel asks, looking puzzled. 

“Babies don’t eat cream cheese,” Finn says. 

“Oh! Strawberry cream cheese?” Rachel says. “Yes.” 

“Cool.” Finn looks at Rachel, then down at his boxer shorts. “Uh, can I get dressed, first?”

“Oh my goodness!” Rachel says. She hurriedly pulls one bagel out of the bag, as well as one container of cream cheese, then goes back into the hall. “Just let me know when you’re done!” she says as she shuts the door. 

“Yeah, okay!” Finn calls after her. He stands up and looks for a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt, sticking the bagel in his mouth while he pulls on the jeans. Once he’s dressed, he grabs the cream cheese container and heads downstairs. Carole, LeRoy, Hiram, and Rachel are all in the kitchen when he gets down there. 

“Ah, Finn!” Hiram says. “Good morning!” 

“Hiram and LeRoy decided to join us this morning to help me get the house ready,” Carole says, and Finn can tell from her tone she isn’t nearly as excited as her voice is. 

“Morning Mom, Mr. Berry, uh, Mr. Berry,” Finn says, nodding at both of Rachel’s dads. 

“I know there’s still an hour or so before the party,” Rachel says, “but my dads can run any last-minute errands, too!” 

“Oh, that’s great,” Finn says, putting on a big smile and looking at Carole, nodding his head until she smiles and nods back. “Thanks, Rachel!”

“So what is there to do? Ms. Hudson, I’m happy to do any last-minute kosher consultation!” Rachel says enthusiastically. 

“The caterers will be here in about an hour,” Carole says to Rachel.

“Do you need us to set up tables? Hang decorations?” LeRoy asks.

“You two could go get some bags of ice,” Carole suggests. “Right, Finn?”

“Oh yeah, Mom, we probably need a _lot_ of ice,” Finn says. 

“We’d be happy to get some ice,” Hiram says, practically leaping to his feet. “We’ll make sure to get the best quality.” 

“Best quality?” Carole mouths as Hiram and LeRoy head for the door. Finn shrugs.

Even Rachel looks somewhat puzzled about the ice, but she shakes her head and stands up. “Finn, we can start sorting through the decorations by room.” She tucks her hand through Finn’s arm and steers him out of the kitchen, lowering her voice. “If there’s something you think Noah won’t like as well, we can make sure it goes to the kitchen or something.” She raises her volume again as they reach the bags of decorations. “Has Noah had any luck finding a baby-sitting position?” 

“A little,” Finn says. “I think a lot of people don’t want a guy for a babysitter, even if he knows about diapers.”

“Hmm. I hate that the average citizen of Lima is still so narrow-minded and fixated on outdated gender stereotypes,” Rachel says. “Where has he advertised? Maybe he accidentally advertised with the most narrow-minded population.” 

“Maybe. Maybe that’s most of Lima, though.”

Rachel frowns, almost pouting as she reaches into the bag and starts pulling out decorations. She drops the subject, though, and begins talking about the new piece her voice instructor gave her the day before. She keeps talking about it until the doorbell rings.

“I bet that’s Puck!” Finn says.

“I’ll take this bag of decorations into the kitchen to your mom,” Rachel says. 

Finn nods. “Okay, great. I’ll get the door.” Rachel goes into the kitchen, and Finn answers the door. 

“Hey,” Puck says, Jonah tucked against his left shoulder. “We’re not too early, right?” 

“Nope. Rachel’s been here for like an hour,” Finn says. 

“Oh, okay,” Puck says, looking surprised. “I did like Carole said, only brought bottles and diapers. No one’s added more people to the guest list since yesterday, right? This was gonna be a small thing originally.” 

“Uhhh.” Finn looks around guiltily. “Maybe a few more than small.”

“Who’s the newest?” Puck says as he steps inside and puts the backpack he’s been using as a diaper bag down. “As long as they don’t all expect to hold him.” 

“Last I heard, the Berrys had told a bunch of people from temple that they owe them a few,” Finn says. “Something about all the checks they’ve written for bar mitzvahs and stuff.”

“Oh boy,” Puck says. “As long as none of them let on to Kurt and Burt that I don’t keep kosher. They still believe it.” 

“I can’t believe you’re keeping that up!” Finn says. 

“Keeping what up?” Rachel asks as she emerges from the kitchen. 

“Kosher!” Finn says quickly. “That’s how you say it, right? Keeping up kosher?”

“No, no, just keeping kosher, and I think it’s admirable when non-vegans do so,” Rachel says, smiling at Puck. 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks?” Puck says. 

“He’s a champ,” Finn says, patting Puck on the back. 

“It’s a lot easier for the baby,” Puck says deadpan. 

“Is formula kosher?” Finn asks. 

“Enfamil is,” Puck says. “Haven’t checked other brands.” 

“Most brands are, I would think,” Rachel says, looking thoughtful. “And of course all the food today is kosher!” 

“Yeah, lucky for you, huh, Puck?” Finn says. 

“Stellar,” Puck says. “Anything else I need to know for this shindig?” 

“I’ve volunteered to record who brings what gift,” Rachel says. “I think everyone would understand if Noah used preprinted thank you notes, don’t you, Finn?” 

“That’s an option?” Finn asks. “My mom makes me write them by hand!” 

“That’s not the end of that story, mister!” Carole says from the kitchen. 

“I can have Finn handwrite them for me,” Puck says, brightening. 

“Puck! No!” Finn says. “Mom, tell him now!” Carole just laughs and doesn’t answer. 

“The gifts aren’t really for me, they’re for him,” Puck says, nodding towards Jonah, who’s starting to wake up. “You’re just a different surrogate note-writer.” 

“Seems like if he’s your baby, they should be your notes,” Finn says. 

“But I was one hundred percent going to get him godparents, and godparents are supposed to help, right?” Puck raises his voice. “Right, Ms. H?” 

“Does Judaism do godparents?” Carole asks, poking her head out of the kitchen. 

“Sort of,” Puck says. “Reform does, though, so I’m covered.” 

“That’s nice. Learn something new every day!” Carole says, ducking back into the kitchen again.

“That’s cool,” Finn says, trying to not look too hopeful. 

“So?” Puck asks. 

“So what?” Finn asks. 

“So will you?” Puck says, shifting Jonah so he’s facing out in Finn’s direction. 

“Are you, like, proposing?” Finn says. “Like godfather proposing?”

“I’m definitely not having a kid _and_ getting married at age sixteen,” Puck says. “But yeah, duh. So?” 

“Yeah. Of course,” Finn says. 

“Cool.” Puck smirks. “Now you have to at least _help_ with the thank you notes.” 

“Dang it!”

“You could write them from Joel’s point of view,” Rachel suggests. 

“That would be precious!” Carole says from the kitchen.

“Mom!” Finn says. “Stop helping!” Carole laughs again. 

“If it doesn’t involve his three favorite activities, Joel won’t really like it anyway,” Puck says. “Want to hold him while I warm up a bottle? Figured he should eat before more people get here.” 

“Yeah, sure! Come here, buddy!” Finn says, holding his arms out for Jonah. 

“Oh, I think he recognizes your voice!” Rachel says as Puck hands Jonah over and heads into the kitchen. “Look, he’s turning his head towards your face.” 

“Aww. He’s my little friend,” Finn says. He holds Jonah up against his shoulder. “You having a fun day, buddy?”

“He’s already pooped twice!” Puck calls from the kitchen.

“That’s so great. Means we probably have a while,” Finn says to Rachel. 

“I hope so,” Rachel says. “I don’t understand how you can change a diaper so calmly.” 

“It’s not a big deal. I mean, we know exactly what he’s been eating, so nothing that comes out’s a surprise, right?”

“The, ah, form and direction can be,” Rachel says. 

Puck comes back from the kitchen, handing the bottle to Finn. “Oh, if anyone asks you, Quinn, uh, is still recovering or something. I did let her know.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Finn says. He puts the bottle nipple to Jonah’s mouth, which Jonah seems to appreciate, since he starts eating fast and serious-looking.

“Texted,” Puck continues. “She said she’s going to finish out the year from home or something.” 

“I suppose I can understand that,” Rachel says. “Oh, I think that’s my dads. It’s almost time for everyone else to get here!” 

“It’ll be weird, her not coming back,” Finn says. 

“Kinda feel like it’s my fault, but like she said, we each had to do what we had to do,” Puck says, shrugging. 

“Yeah. It’s just, we all get Jonah out of the deal,” Finn says. 

“I mean, it’s not like I told her she couldn’t see him or anything.” 

“I know. Still.” Finn shifts Jonah a little so the bottle tips up more. “It’s too bad she doesn’t want to.”

“Yeah. For her, mostly. He’ll be fine. He’s got all of us. Right?” Puck says. 

Finn grins at Jonah and then at Puck. “Yeah. He sure does.”

“Help me through this party,” Puck mock-whispers to Jonah. 

“So many nice Jewish families coming to hold you, Joel!” Rachel says. 

Puck frowns and shakes his head. “No.” 

“How can you open all the gifts if you’re holding him?” Rachel asks. 

“That’s what Finn’s for.” 

“You can hold him, too, if you want,” Finn says to Rachel. “Only, the person holding the baby has to change the diaper.”

“I’ll be writing down who brought what gifts,” Rachel says. 

“Oh well. Your loss,” Finn says, though he smiles at her to make sure she know he’s serious, but not in a bad way or anything. 

When everybody starts arriving, Puck takes Jonah back and looks really overwhelmed by the number of people. Rachel hadn’t been kidding about her dads being owed by people, because he counts at least ten different couples, plus a group of older ladies with Puck’s Nana, from the temple. With all of New Directions there, the house is packed, everybody talking in excited voices. Jonah looks way more calm about it than Puck does.

After a while of eating the food from the caterers, which Finn has to admit is pretty darn delicious, everybody gathers together in Finn’s livingroom for gift-opening. Finn holds Jonah while Puck opens presents. Puck keeps giving people really confused looks while he unwraps stuff. He puts gifts into two piles, which at first Finn thinks might be ‘keep’ and ‘return’, but as the second pile fills up with weird-looking stuff, Finn decides the piles might be ‘I know what this is’ and ‘what the heck is this?’. 

Eventually, Puck gets kind of overwhelmed and takes Jonah home. Finn, Rachel, Carole, and Rachel’s dad do clean-up, while Kurt and Burt do a dinner run for everybody. Burt and Kurt bring some leftovers back for Puck. Finn doesn’t blame Puck for not wanting to leave the house again that day. Finn probably wouldn’t, either.

The next morning starts with a text message. The phone’s dinging is what wakes Finn up. He squints at the phone and reads the text from Puck. 

_Wanna come over here today? Burt bought chips AND wings even though there’s not football on right now_

Finn sits up. Half of his hair is sticking straight up on the left side of his head, but it’s not like Jonah will care, so Finn texts back, _Yeah ok_.

 _Just come on down after Burt or Kurt lets you in_ , Puck sends after a couple more minutes. 

“Down?” Finn says to himself. He shrugs and gets up, grabbing jeans that look clean enough and a t-shirt from the basket of clean-but-not-folded clothes. Once he’s dressed, he goes downstairs and holler, “Mom? Hey, Mom?”

“You don’t have to shout, Finn,” Carole says.

“I’m going to Puck’s, okay?” Finn says. “Well, technically to Burt’s house, I guess, but you know, where Puck is.”

“That’s fine. Put gas in the car on your way there or back.”

“Yeah, okay, Mom,” Finn says. 

“Actually remember this time, please!” Carole calls after him as he heads out the door.

“That was _once_ ,” Finn mutters to himself, getting into the car. “Twice, tops. Maybe three times, but she was with me one of them, so it doesn’t count.”

The drive over doesn’t take very long. Burt answers the door when Finn knocks, and Finn realizes he hasn’t actually been over to Burt and Kurt’s house since the Basement Incident. 

“Uh. Is Puck home?” Finn asks. 

“He mentioned you were headed over. Go on downstairs,” Burt says, stepping back to let Finn into the house. 

“Downstairs?” Finn says. 

Burt looks uncomfortable and lifts his hat, rubbing the back of his hand against his forehead. “Yeah, uh, just head down.” 

“Well, okay,” Finn says, not really feeling any less uncomfortable than Burt looks. “I guess I’ll head down then.”

He walks towards the basement door, and pauses for a second, just in case there’s a second downstairs he doesn’t know about, but Burt just sits back down in the living room. Finn opens the door and starts down the stairs. The basement is the same color, but all the furniture is different, or at least rearranged. Now the room just has a bed and chest of drawers and baby stuff, lots of baby stuff. 

“Hey,” Finn says quietly. 

Puck is sitting on the bed, Jonah lying on his chest. “Hey. Burt give you any trouble?”

“No, but he did the hat thing,” Finn says. “You know, where he takes it of a little, then puts it back on?”

Puck snorts. “Yeah, I know. I acted with Burt like I didn’t know a thing, so he gave me a couple of weird looks when I said you were coming over and could he let you downstairs.” 

“Wait. You know about the Basement Incident?”

“Yeah, but Kurt called it the Great something of 2010,” Puck says. “Sounds to me like everyone was at fault, including your mom.” 

“Do we have to talk about it?” Finn asks.

Puck shrugs. “Just saying, I don’t think it was all on you.” Jonah lifts his head up a little. “Yeah, you hear Finn?” 

“Hi, buddy! Hi, Jonah!” Finn says, sitting down next to Puck. 

“He only woke up twice last night,” Puck says, “but he’s been up for awhile.” He turns Jonah onto his side, facing Finn. 

“Hey,” Finn says to Jonah, touching his hand with one finger. Jonah’s hand wraps around Finn’s finger. “Aww.”

“He’s going to make you into a baby toy,” Puck says. 

“That’s not so bad,” Finn says. 

“Hours later, you might change your mind. Sorry we didn’t come back over last night. I’d say he was overwhelmed but it was probably more me.” 

“Well, there were a lot more old ladies than I’d counted on,” Finn says. “I don’t blame you.”

“It’s weird to go from being the awful guy three weeks ago who knocked a girl up to a celebrated single dad, too,” Puck says. 

Finn nods. “Yeah. I guess it all changes once the baby’s there and he’s all cute and stuff.”

“You’re saying it’s a good thing he’s not ugly?” 

“You wouldn’t be able to tell. Mom says everybody thinks their baby’s cute.”

“You’re the one that said he was cute!” 

“He is cute,” Finn says. “I’m just saying you wouldn’t know either way. You’d be confused about why people didn’t like you more.”

“That’s not usually a problem I have,” Puck says dryly. 

“Well, now you never will, because your baby is cute.”

“Hear that, Joel?” Puck says. “You’ve saved me.” There’s a couple of knocks from up the stairs, and Puck looks at Finn. “Probably Kurt.” 

“Oh. This might be kinda weird,” Finn says. 

“Probably like a Band-Aid,” Puck says. 

“I peel Band-Aids off as slow as I can,” Finn says. 

“Knock knock,” Kurt says from the top of the stairs.

“I think this is one you’re going to peel off faster,” Puck says to Finn, then raises his voice. “He’s not asleep.” 

“Good. I don’t mean to interrupt, but—” Kurt’s feet come down the stairs, followed by the rest of him. “Hello, Finn.”

“Hi, Kurt,” Finn says, trying to look like he belongs there.

“I didn’t feel like going anywhere today,” Puck says. “Joel didn’t care either way, but I did.” 

Kurt looks concerned. “Hmm. Is there anything I could bring you? Either of you, though I don’t suppose Joel needs much.”

“Burt said we’d have snacks later, I’m good until then,” Puck says. “We’ve already done some Amazon shopping this morning.” 

“You weren’t picking out linens, were you? You remember I said we could do that together,” Kurt says. 

“Linens?” Finn says. 

“Sheets, curtains. You know, linens,” Kurt says.

Finn frowns, because _he_ didn’t get any input on decoration. “Wait. _Puck_ gets say on the linens?”

“Yeah, turns out single fathers aren’t Kurt’s type,” Puck says. 

Kurt turns bright red and puts his hand over his mouth. “Puck!”

“What? That’s what you told me,” Puck says. 

“There’s the matter of… of _confidence_ and… and _context_!” Kurt says.

“What’s wrong with single fathers?” Finn asks. Kurt gives Puck some kind of look that Finn doesn’t understand.

Puck shakes his head vigorously. “ _No_ , Kurt. It is not a good time for that.” 

“A good time for what?” Finn asks.

“But now I feel judged for not wanting to be involved with a single father as a sixteen-year-old!” Kurt says, flapping his arms in distress. 

“I told you you weren’t my type, anyway,” Puck says. “No judgment!” 

“I really don’t understand what’s happening here,” Finn says.

“But Finn’s judging me!” 

“Don’t judge him for that,” Puck says to Finn. “He’s not my type, baby or no baby.” 

“I just came for a visit,” Finn says.

“I can tell he’s thinking it,” Kurt says. 

“I can bet you, whatever you think I’m thinking, I’m definitely not,” Finn says. 

Puck shakes his head, still looking at Finn even though he’s talking to Kurt. “He’s really not that complex. If he were thinking it, you’d know.” 

“Hey!” Finn says. “I think you just said I was simple!” 

“No, you just… wear your heart on your sleeve, or however that goes,” Puck says. 

“I’m going back upstairs and making cinnamon rolls,” Kurt says with a sort of a huff at the end. 

“You know who loves cinnamon rolls?” Puck says. “Matt does. Is he your type? You should see if he wants to eat cinnamon rolls with you.” 

“Does ‘cinnamon rolls’ means something dirty?” Finn asks. “You’re saying it like it means something dirty.”

“Oh my _god_ , the two of you!” Kurt says. “I’m going upstairs! I’ll come back down when the rolls are ready.” He stomps up the stairs, the door closing loudly behind him.

“He’s not as easy to wind up as Chloe, but it’s close,” Puck says quietly to Finn. 

“So he’s really kinda like your brother now, huh?” Finn says. “That’s funny. Weird, but funny.”

“Really is a good thing I’m not his type, huh?” Puck says, laughing a little. Jonah squeaks. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s not really a turn-off for Kurt, though, since he sorta plotted to get our parents together, but I was still sorta his type,” Finn says. 

“Never said that he wasn’t a little creepy when it came to you,” Puck says. 

“But he’s over it now, right?”

“He’d better be,” Puck says, almost frowning. 

“Oh man,” Finn says. “If Burt and my mom get married, then by this time next year, all three of us could be brothers.” He shakes his head. “That’s kinda weird.”

“Probably closer to Musketeers,” Puck says. “Or Amigos.” 

“Well, as long as I’m Dusty Bottoms, I guess I’m okay with that,” Finn says.

“Sure,” Puck says. “As long as Dusty Bottoms doesn’t mind feeding the baby.” 

Finn realizes Jonah has gotten part of Finn’s finger into his mouth and is nomming on it. “Nah, I don’t mind.”


End file.
